You're almost five months now. Why do common phrases ring so true to life? Life goes by so fast. I can think back to yesterday, or what seems like yesterday, when I was miserably overdue waiting for you to come. Now you are here and I can no longer feel you inside of me. Sometimes I miss it. Knowing now I can no longer always protect you now that you begin to become your own person. It's a beautiful spring day today and getting to sit and enjoy the sun just makes me think of you. How lucky am I to even know you, let alone call you mine. I have tears writing this and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I don't want you to grow up or maybe I'm just becoming that emotional mom every child always is annoyed with. I have so many thoughts today. I admit however there are thoughts I have that make my heart break. This world is so broken around us. I see girls everywhere younger than I'd like to think that know about things and search for things that leave them feeling so empty and alone. There are women everywhere changing their features from using little devices to enhance lips to buying new facial features. There are women everywhere who would do anything to be anyone other than themselves. There are women everywhere begging to be noticed by their physical appearance rather than by their hearts. There are women everywhere seeking a boy's attention rather than man's. Where women spend more time breaking each other down than building them up. The world will critique you to death. Our society thrives on negativity and judgement. The world is so focused on selfish love rather than love itself. I see potential leaders of our country speaking words I would be ashamed for you to hear. I cannot turn on the news without immersing you in the brokenness of our society. The world who lives for now and not for what's to come. Sometimes I feel so much sorrow knowing you will endure so much of this. This is now, how will I even begin to imagine what is to come? The more I think, the more I could write, but I have a hope. I have an answer. You are such a light! You are here because we need you. It's no doubt that you already bring a smile to everyone around you. Your laugh fills the room and everything seems all right with the world. We need your kindness. I have no doubt that you will be one of the sweetest people I will ever know. You are so beautiful. I stare at you so often and wonder how anything could be so perfect. I know and pray that you will come to realize in that beauty their lies a beauty so much greater. The love of Jesus and the love for people I pray you will shine to those around you. You already are so feisty. I know that fierceness just shows that their is passion. This world needs that passion. A passion for truth, for people, for love, and for life. A passion that will make you a fierce and loyal friend. Those kind of friends are hard to find. You are so incredibly smart. Even at this little age you have surpassed my imagination of your knowledge. I know your intelligence will carry on throughout your life. An intelligence to know that their are good men out there. Men who will treat you with a love that is not selfish but is kind and patient. I assure you they are out there. You have the greatest man I know in your life. You're father loves you and I with all he has. He is humble, gentle, kind, loyal, passionate, funny, understanding, compassionate, and most importantly god-fearing. I pray you find a man someday like your father, even though the idea growing up I'm sure you will object! You are so strong. Physically and mentally and I know this will probably be a trying test for me as you get older! I know this strength will grow to be a drive for you. A drive that will help you stay focused on what is most important in this life. Loving God and other people with all your heart. As hard as this life can be I want you to know it's so beautiful. I pray that I can be a mom that you look up to. A mom that you can come to when you don't even want to talk, but can just hold you. A mom that you see as your best friend. Most importantly I hope to be a mom that you hope to be someday. I know you will be a great one because you are already making me a better version of myself than I was yesterday.
I love you,
Mom